It’s not always easy for caregivers to know if their work has made a difference. Feeling helpless is a common feeling for caregivers, and a sign of caregiver burnout.  This story comes from a musician caregiver Nicholas Stirling, who runs drumming and storytelling workshops at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. Nicholas recently participated in the pilot MCCP Level 2 course, where he shared this story.

A “Thank You”

Her weeping was often spontaneous.

As a first-time mother, I thought having a baby would be all sunshine and rainbows. When my beautiful daughter came into this world, she turned it upside down. She cried, and cried, and cried – for the first 6 months for hours on end. After using an exercise ball to bounce her into submission, I couldn’t do it any longer. My mother-in-law suggested I try humming. Once I started humming, I’ve never looked back. She connected with my slow, low-key humming and finally was able to calm. Humming unded up not only calming her, but calmed an exhausted, disillusioned mother.

When my son Jim was ten, he returned from school looking rather down trodden. I asked him what had happened. He looked up at me with his bright, green eyes and said, “my teacher told me not to sing anymore Mum, she said I had a terrible voice”. That teacher had entered a thought into Jim’s head that he had never considered. He had always had a love of singing and with a big, booming and a bit gravely, sound we always said that he had a Kenny Rogers voice. So, he was proud and he sang all the more! We loved his voice and his enthusiasm. It filled our lives.

In late March 2004, my mother and I returned home (Kansas City, Missouri) from Canada after speaking for the Alzheimer’s Society in Moncton, New Brunswick. To our dismay and surprise, we found my grandmother’s health condition (which had been stable just the week prior) dramatically compromised. Decisions needed to be made…very quickly.

As dementia care consultants, we encourage family caregivers considering 24/7 home care to answer two important questions: What am I able to do? and What am I willing to do?

Eugene Dufour, past president of the Ontario Palliative Care Association and the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association, who has been working in the area of mental health, hospice, palliative and pastoral care for the past 25 years, shares some of his poignant reflections.

Look For The Flicker Of Life:

Alzheimer's and dementia. Frightening terms. Unknown territory. A place we do not want to travel. But as with so many journeys we take in life, Alzheimer's and dementia often arrive without fanfare; insidiously progressing until they are finally named and we realize our lives are on a new course for which we have not packed nor collected road maps.

November 2006 !! My eyes are so filled with sorrow they feel like they are melting. My heart is racing, I feel as if I am anticipating certain dread; as if our lives are resting on a thin edge, constantly under the threat of tipping over ... falling ... down ... down ... spiraling out of control ...

Dear Bev,

My daughter Karen gave me your brochure from the conference in Oshawa that you both presented at several weeks ago. When I read that you were interested in hearing stories about caring for a loved one it reminded me of something I had just done.

It is 6:30 p.m. as the phone rings! I quickly glance at the display which shows « York Manor ». Immediately, I have a feeling of guilt because I have not been able to see Rina for the last three days, due to a bad cold. But the staff and I have an understanding; if anything serious develops, they call me!
I recognize Debbie as she says: “Clarence, I thought I’d give you a call. Rina is having a bad day. She did not touch her supper and she is not responding to our efforts to pull her out of her sad mood”. As this behaviour is very rare, I reply: “I’m coming right away!”